Tomorrow
by Moxie-Proxie
Summary: The depth of what he’d just revealed slowly sinking in. Watching the emotions flash across Jack’s face confusion, realization, joy layering over pain. He said nothing as Jack brushed tears away. [AllieJack, HenryKim]


_Author's Note: This an alternate universe (AU) piece that was written before the premiere of season two. So it breaks from canon at the end of season one, and contains mild to moderate spoilers for "Once in a Lifetime".  
_

* * *

It's something Henry's seen at least a hundred times since the day Kim died, since the day he went back. Standing just outside the doorway of the garage, the afternoon sun casting him in half shadow; but the rounded shoulders, lowered head and hands jammed in his pockets tells Henry everything he needs to know.

"I need a minute," he takes those last few steps into the garage, his long legs making nothing of the space, before closing the door behind.

Henry simply nodded, moving comfortably back and forth from the coffee pot to give two cracked white mugs a cursory scrub before filling them with thick, black coffee. Jack had already pulled up a stool to the long table by the window where Henry's various projects lay strewn about. He was toying with one such device when the mug was set in front of him. It didn't quite sear off the roof his mouth, but still he reached for the cream and sugar Henry nudged his way. There was a very thin, hot line between strong coffee and tar; Henry was dancing on it.

Hovering silently over their steaming mugs, neither man wanted to take the first step out into that gulf of memories that hovered so between them. But the ache had been throbbing in his chest for a full year now, like feeling his lungs being crushed in and Jack wasn't sure how much more he could take. Memories pushed forward into Jack's mind; images and thoughts, emotions he had experienced and yet hadn't. The love and hope that had now bleed into his dreams; the one place where he thought he'd found solace, now made him pace the width of his bedroom every night, exhausted but fighting the trap of sleep with everything in him. Too many times he'd woken from dreams aching for her, the smell of her haunting him, the feel of her skin under his hands, or her body around his.

"God Allie..." he sighed, dropping his forehead into his hands, gripping his short hair. Just thinking about last night's dream had his body on a low hum. It was bad enough that he woke up in the remains of his own desire most mornings. Some days worse than others, crawling to the bathroom because everything had been so damn _real_, he didn't trust his own legs to get him down the stairs.

He could still hear Zoe's voice from this morning, rising sharp over the pounding water. Ice cold to push back the memories. Numb the ache. "Dad..." her voice hitched, and he could see her fidget in silhouette, "dad... are you okay?"

Swallowing down the knot of emotion, he tried to breathe. Keep his voice steady, "I'm fine Zo'. Just couldn't sleep." He locked his knees, because giving into the urge to slump against the wall would give him away, "I'll be out in a minute. Start the coffee, would you?"

"Sure," she still lingered, "are you hungry? I mean, I could make some breakfast since we're up early."

"That'd be great honey, thank you," his stomach churned.

She was trying so hard. Everything between them was still so fragile, this bridge they were trying to assemble between father and daughter. She was making breakfast, and he was lying to her. He hated every second of it. That knot in his throat dropped down to his stomach and clinched there as she hovered outside the shower stall. Like a small bird flittering, unsure whether to go or stay. Finally she slipped away, he engaged the soundproofing and wall tints, dropping to his knees. His stomach rebelling, the memories that lingered in his mind shaking him. His whole body trembling as he hovered over the shower drain. It always happened like this, first his mind would revolt and then his body. Vaguely, he remembered doing this for Allie; holding her hair, rubbing her back.

Finally when the shaking stopped, he simply lay on the cold tile floor. The spray hitting his face and chest, opening his mouth to the water, he swished and spat the last side effects of the memories down the drain.

"I don't know how to live with this, Henry," his voice was raw, tiredly he wiped a hand over his face, "I can't be around her, I see her an all I wanna do is hold her, kiss her... tell her how much I love her. It hurts so damn much."

"I know."

Jack didn't say anything for a moment. Slowly making eye contact with Henry as he toyed with his coffee cup. A knot of sadness twisted in his chest, of anger at his own sense of self pity. Henry had lost too; a friend and colleague, a woman he'd loved for years only to have her taken away just as they'd been reunited.

"Henry, I-"

"Don't," he whispered, holding up a hand, "I love Kim, I miss her. But losing a wife and unborn son, I can't imagine that..."

He'd stopped hearing anything past the word "son" that dropped like a bomb from his best-friend's mouth. _Allie was having a boy_, that thought seemed to circle around his mind,_ we were going to have a son. With Allie's eyes and my smile..._

Henry's voice died away, as he seemed to realize what he'd just said. Setting his coffee down, he simply looked at the man across from him. The depth of what he'd just revealed slowly sinking in. Watching the emotions flash across Jack's face; confusion, realization, joy layering over pain. He said nothing as Jack brushed tears away.

"You didn't know," Henry whispered. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew..."

"No," he bit off the word. "I didn't want to know, I wanted to be surprised. I was just so damn happy that she was pregnant at all."

The memories flittered through his mind, like dead leaves swept off the street by the wind. A fraction of a life he no longer had.

"I don't want to know!" his hands were firmly clamped over his ears.

Zoë and Kevin were circling them like vultures waiting for news. Both of them could hardly keep still; Zoë with her long blonde ponytail bouncing as she hovered near Allie, she'd gotten so beautiful over the years, it could steal his breath away. Kevin standing the couch, implant tucked discreetly behind his ear, jumping up and down as he grinned and shouted out his preference.

"We want to know, we want to know," Kevin jumped gleefully, "is it a boy? We need another boy."

"No way!" Zoë said, "you and dad make enough messes around here, we need a girl."

Alison's face had all but glowed in excitement, and he'd never seen anything as sweet, as beautiful as the sight of his children - Zoë and Kevin both - hovering around the woman he loved, anxious to know if they were getting a new brother or sister.

"I'm sorry Jack," Henry said, breaking the illusion. "I'm sorry."

He just nodded, because anything he tried to say would only be half true. Silence fell around them like a blanket, somewhere between comforting and smothering as he brushed away more tears with his fingers. He picked up his coffee cup again, something to hold. To keep his hands from shaking.

"Jack," the words seemed to weigh him down, as he fought with whether or not to bring them into the light of day, "I designed the original neutralizer with Kim... I've been reconfiguring it. To erase specific memory paths, I could use it to erase the memories of the secondary timeline."

He watched as Henry pulled the small palm-sized device out from among the wreckage that lay across the work table. In the back of his thoughts he heard Henry saying that the device could now decipher being the primary and secondary timelines in his mind, filtering out what didn't comply with their current time and effectively erasing it. Erasing Alison and the baby she carried, erasing brilliant Kevin no longer confined within the walls of his Autism, erasing beautiful, happy Zoë.

In his mind he could see her face, as clearly as it had been this morning instead of a year ago [or four years into the future, for that matter; long blonde hair pinned up, in pajamas from being lazy and spending the day watching movies and eating popcorn with Kevin, waiting for mom and dad to get home from the appointment. The way she bounced around Alison, full of joy and excitement. All three of them smiling, just waiting for him to get out of the room so Allie could spill the news.

"No," he whispered, sliding the device back across the table. He says nothing, just gets up and heads for the door.

"Jack," Henry's voice stops him on the threshold, once again outlined by sunlight, "you have to let her go, eventually."

"I know," he said, and he does understand that. It's all he thinks about anymore, because he doesn't have to be a certified genius to know that carrying around memories of a future that may not come, can only cause trouble for the present. "But not today."

Henry didn't say anything as he watched Sheriff Carter - husband, father of three - walk out to his Jeep to begin another day. It's something he's seen at least a hundred times since the day Kim died, since the day he went back. Jack walking into the sunlight. Turning back to the small blue device, he slid it quietly into a drawer. Tomorrow, they would face reality. Tomorrow.


End file.
